"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
