I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
