I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
