Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
