Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
