Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Betty ford says i'm here all night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
