after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
