she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
