so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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