OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
