Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
