it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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