so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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