he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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