nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
