i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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