Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
