I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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