She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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