The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
