just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
