there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you never un-have a 4some
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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