I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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