she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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