It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
