Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Boobs are out for the taking
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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