Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
