I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
