We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need moral support for this bender
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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