Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
