Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
