great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
