I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
