I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
