Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
