Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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