I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
