If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my liver is dry heaving
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
