let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
