Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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