I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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