The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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