I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
