Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
