it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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