this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
