You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
