xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
