the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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