Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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