Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
