Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
