if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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