I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
