He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
